Let her eat cake!

Something amazing happened today...so amazing and unbelieveable I had to get photographic evidence. Here it is.

Yep - you got it ladies and gentleman. My little girl, my Alice, ATE CAKE!

I'm sure most parents would not find this amazing in the slightest. But ever since I can remember Alice has hated cake. We thought it was funny at first, I mean who hates cake...seriously? I joked that she definitely didn't get it from me and it seemed a bit ironic given that her Uncle is a pastry chef.

Now we understand a bit more about Alice we've realised that it is most probably a sensory issue rather than and actual dislike of the flavour of cake. Her mouth senses are heightened and for whatever reason she just cannot handle the texture of cake in her mouth, same goes for muffins.

Alice has quite a limited diet in terms of what she will and won't eat, it's not just cake. She can't handle red meat unless it is mince and in a sauce. She will only eat chicken in nugget form. At parties she doesn't pig out on the birthday cake (though she always gets a piece and sits there looking at it like she wishing she could eat it) and hates most home made type party snacks.

When we have a roast dinner Alice has chicken nuggets and "white pasta" (alfredo packet mix). When we have chicken and rice, Alice has rice and sauce. No matter how tiny I cut the meat up, she finds it.

I'm sure people who don't have children with these issues are wondering why I'm a soft touch about this. I'm sure many are thinking "she's a child she eats what you eat no exceptions!" Ha. You haven't met Alice.

I learnt pretty quickly there was no point pushing food on her that she didn't like - mainly because she will put it in her mouth (she does like to please) and then promptly vomit all over the table, not just gag and spit up the bit that she was eating, no. She will literally empty the entire contents of her stomach. Even at parties sometimes just looking at things like cake will make her look like she is going to vomit. It's like she can feel the texture in her mouth just by looking at it! So I made a choice, I made a choice to accept her telling me she doesn't like something. If there's one thing I know for sure about parenting - it's all about picking your battles.

She has quite a good diet really, she loves fruit, yoghurt, cheese and ham. She loves taking a "burrito" (salad and ham wrap) for lunch at school. She eats things like homemade pizzas, peas and corn, carrot, lettuce, rice crackers. She will devour my spag bol, which little does she know is packed with mince and veges.

But cake. Cake is a big thing. Cake is what makes birthdays fun. She adores birthday cakes, loves blowing out candles, singing happy birthday, cutting it, but never eating it. Maybe, just maybe, by the time her birthday rolls around she'll be able to eat her birthday cake for the very first time. I know she'd love that.

Feeling thankful

I've been doing some research lately. Pouring over books about autism, blogs about autism - anything I can get my hands on.

Anyone that knows me knows that this is how I cope with things. I like to google and research, I like to educate myself on the subject. Not a bad trait for a teacher in training I think. So it makes sense that I've been trying to gain other insights in what its like for other families who have children with autism. The problem is that as the saying goes "if you've met one child with autism...you've met one child with autism." No two children with autism are alike. There are similarities sure and I can relate to a lot of what other parents are saying but really, there can only be one Alice...that much is a given.

A common theme I'm finding though is exclusion at school, not just exclusion of the child with autism by the child's peers but exclusion of the parent by other parents too.

I feel very thankful that this is something we never have never really had to deal with. In fact we've had the opposite. I like to think that maybe it's because of me, that I'm so friendly and likeable it makes up for any issues Alice may have....but really all the credit should go to her.

Alice is very hard not to like. Even when she is being cheeky (which is often) she is irresistible. I am not just being a bias Mummy here...I more than anyone know exactly how much hard work she can be. But ever since she was a baby people have adored her. We go camping every year with the same people and she lights up their faces when they see her. She walks around the different camp sites and makes herself at home. Her smile is infectious. She makes a dull room shine bright with her light. She is impossible not to love.

Even at school, her teacher will tell me something that she's done that isn't really the right thing to do and the teacher is laughing as she tells the story. Like, for example at her first whole school assembly when she tried to get up and put on a show for everyone...because of course they were all there to see her don't you know?

I watch her with the other kids at school and even they can't help but love her. The roughest boy in her class just yesterday when she asked for a turn of his toy just handed it over to her. The sweetest boy in the class is always putting his hand up to help her with things. She gets to school and the other kids greet her with genuine affection. The proudest moment of my life was seeing her play with a little girl - they were running around together holding hands, marching over to a group of boys to tell them what was what both with their hands on their hips.

And the parents, the beautiful parents at school, every single one who knows about Alice has been nothing but supportive...in the short time I have known them they have become my network of support. I know that when Alice bounds out of the classroom and starts chatting to me when she is meant to be getting her bag the smiles they give her are real, no fake or full of pity. They can see how much life is inside her, see how she glows. I feel very fortunate that we have this environment for her to grow in.

I am aware, through my reading, that this is not always the case. I am also not so naive to believe this is will last forever...I shiver in fear at some of the things I know we have ahead of us in her schooling future. But for right now she's happy and that's all I can think about today.

And really - who can blame everyone for loving her? What's not to love about this face?

Everyone needs a safe person...

When I tell people Alice has autism it's usually met with "oh really - you can't tell" or "wow she's so normal/social/outgoing/happy" you know because children with autism aren't ever happy, normal, social or outgoing (that was sarcasm by the way). Alice, bless her, is actually too social, she says hello to random strangers in the shopping centre, she has no boundaries. Anyway it always gives me a little laugh that so many people don't see autism in Alice - even family who know her so well, who know the troubles she's been through. It gives me a little laugh and makes me feel a bit crazy.

You see no-one sees the Alice that I do. Not even Matt. At school Alice blends in quite well with her typically developing peers, for the most part she does what she is told, she still has the physical symptoms, walking on her tip toes, holding her fingers in a funny way, not really walking but kind of skip walking like energy needs to explode out of her - but those are easily overlooked by people who aren't looking for anything.

I get a different Alice. It's like a flick switches as soon as we get in the car and are alone. She will start telling me what I can and can't say. She will demand I do things in a certain order, she will hit me, scratch me and get violent with me if I don't do these things. From the moment she gets out of school and is with me she needs to be in control.

Last week was particularly bad. They had a relief teacher, which I can only imagine caused her some kind of stress. The thing you need to know about Alice is that she holds everything inside. Very rarely will she breakdown at school if something has happened...no she saves that breakdown for me. So I get her in the car last week after letting her balance on the seats outside the classroom, which she has to do every day otherwise she will lose the plot. She had hurt her sister multiple times already and I could see the stress on her face.

I actually stood outside the car for a minute before getting in looking for some saving grace, like a bottle of wine or a kilo of chocolate that would get me through the afternoon I knew I was in for. Unfortunately nothing came a long and I took a deep breath and reluctantly got in the car.

Cue screaming. And kicking. And hitting. And even reaching forward to pull my seatbelt around my neck. What could I do? I couldn't stop the car, I didn't even know what her problem really was. I just kept driving and prayed that she would calm down. She didn't. The rest of the afternoon was much of the same, screaming, violence.

To this day I still don't really know what the problem was. By the time she calmed down enough to talk she didn't want to talk about her day.

To be honest when she acts like that I want to get down on the floor and have a meltdown alongside her. Most of the time I don't feel angry - just devastated that she is so upset and stressed that she has to scream and hit it out, that nothing I can do will calm her down and she just has to work through the rage.

No one ever sees that side of her. Only me. Her early intervention teacher was the one that told me I was her safe person. She said that Alice only acts that way with me because she knows I love her, that I will never leave her, that she can hit me and kick me and scream at me and I will never leave her and never stop loving her.

I get it. I do. School is hard, she's been pretending and fitting in all day and when she hops in the car she knows its safe to be herself. I'm her safe person. We all have one don't we?

But geez...it really sucks some days.