Opposites Attract

I don't like to compare my daughters, but it's quite hard not too. They are complete opposites. You all know about Alice and what we've been through with her, her autism diagnosis, her quirks, her trials, my trials....things were hard. So many decisions had to be made for her, so many professionals had to be consulted. This is still ongoing, constant meetings, reports, emails, plans for her education need to be considered frequently. It's something I'm quite used too. I got used too the little girl who couldn't talk, I became her advocate. I understand that role as I've been doing it since she was two years old.

Madeleine has thrown me for a bit of a spin. I got used to the child who can't talk, who isn't particularly inquisitive in that "natural" way. Madeleine is not that child. At 16 months old she is already saying at least 25 words. She is so aware of everything going on around her, she repeats everything we say, she is into absolutely everything....we have child proof locks everywhere, something we didn't have to worry about with Alice. Maddles kisses us and cuddles us, she points things out to us, she knows everything that is going on in her world and isn't afraid to tell us about it.

Most days I watch her in awe. It's an amazing thing. To have a child like this after having a child with autism, or any kind of developmental delay, it's left me just dumbfounded. To have people at the park remark how well Maddie talks is something I will never get used to. I am not the mother with the child who is doing well, I've never been that mother, it's not what I know.

I'm the mother at playgroup/gymboree/swimming lessons who looks a bit embarrassed to be there, I'm the one with the child who cannot sit still for group time, who jumps off the ledge to the pool at the wrong time, who screams and refuses to participate with other children because they have found something that they want to do and that's all they can focus on. I'm the mother who watches the other children and compares her daughter to them, realising with every lesson how different she really is.

I can't get my head around not being that mother and some days I really worry that I won't be able to do it. How do I parent two little girls who need such different things?

The only thing I do know is that it is these differences that make me love both of them even more. After having Alice I love watching Maddles just "get" it. I love that she learns things so quickly with each day, I love that she is stubborn and throws tantrums already. I love her more with every new word she says, every new discovery she makes. I love that we have conversations already and when she is older I can picture the two of us going shopping together, going to lunch, gossiping together and fighting with each other frequently.

But seeing Maddles get this whole "development" thing so easily makes me appreciate how hard Alice has worked. Speech didn't come easily to her, but she got there.She is now reading home readers and doing so well and she just tries so hard at everything she does. She's easily distracted and a bit of a geek, she doesn't really like just chatting with me and would much prefer to play games with her Sonic the Hedgehog toys, but she tells me she loves me "so much" every day, she gets excited about the small things in life and her happiness makes me happy. When she is older I can picture her on her computer in her bedroom with a do not disturb sign on the door with a note underneath saying "Love you Mum."

Whether I can do it or not I do feel very lucky that I have been given these two opposite girls. Somehow they compliment each other, they are a perfect fit together. As I said in the beginning I try not to compare them - but why not? They are different and that's okay. I should know by now that being different is not a bad thing. Being different is beautiful.....and both my girls are beautiful.